OH GOD, THIS IS CRAP
How do you talk to someone about what you’re feeling at any particular moment and expect them to relate to you? How do you start writing a book when you have no idea what its going to be about? How do you meet the person you want to be with for the rest of your life for the first time in your life? How do you judge someone who’s done a horrible thing harshly and not understand the true concept of judgment? How do you ask someone to lie and cover for your mistake when you have no account of the entirety of the repercussions of that mistake?
I know. So many questions. So many answers. So many choices. So many decisions. I start a discussion with someone and I know they can’t give me the perspective I want. They just can’t. Because what I’m asking from them is something they can’t give, not because they’ve never experienced it but because they’ve never thought it. I can count on one hand the people I know who are conscious of each decision they make, every time they make it. I’m not one of them. I want to be, but I’m not. I’m just a person who does her best to live life on her own terms. I write, I eat, I sleep. I watch movies. I do short walks. Short. I laugh a lot. I think. I never cry. I eat. I’ve mentioned that. And oh yes. I contribute to global warming.
OK. I’m drifting here. My point is: How do you know exactly who you are, what you are? I don’t know. I don’t get myself. How am I supposed to ‘get’ anyone else? I’ve no idea about any of the questions I’ve just asked myself. Perhaps you can help me out a bit.
Sometimes I feel that perhaps I’m not doing my share to make the world a better place. I don’t help little old ladies cross the street. I throw stuff outside the car window. I ignore the poor and the homeless. I’ve never dropped a coin in a guitar box. I mess up my room daily and expect my mum to clean up after me. I get it. I’m not a very good person.
But there’s something I do get. I get that mine is a perfect world, and that I’m supposed to be living perfectly in it. I get that I’m luckier than millions of people out there, because I know where my next meal is coming from. I get that I’m a person with enough brain activity to know that I’m lucky. I get that.
I still don’t get where I’m going with this. Help me out here.
Comments
That's why I love having conversations with people who 'get' me. You don't have to explain each and every thought of yours and where it stemmed from. I miss our conversations :)
But when people think they've got you all figured out..it gets quite annoying :P
I miss our conversations too.. DO you remember the two o' clock talk? Bloody hell.. PD was just fantastic! You were literally rolling on the floor laughin:)
Te fun of arguing is for the heck of it is always a fun affair.especialy if you know you are wrong..
Could it be that you seek an outsider's viewpoint? that once you introduce such a thought in thier heads, they'd come up with something that you've never thought of? That you're trying to randomize your thoughts to reach a new perspective or a better understanding? Sometimes stupid questions can shake loose perfect solutions.
How do you know exactly who you are, what you are?
My philosophy is: you don't. That's what you're trying to figure out. And you never will, because no man crosses the same river twice. You'll change even as you understand a part of yourself, and consequently, more of you will change. It's not so much a futile endeavour as an endless rewarding task.
And Hana? You make the better place by simply being you, and having these ideas that shake the people around you- to make them think. You don't have to help the world in the conventional sense, not at all.